Converse Chellis: The Real Killer?
Those who thought the General Assembly’s vote to appoint Converse Chellis to the Treasurer’s office meant the end of a series of criticisms and accusations were proven wrong as startling new accusations were leveled against Chellis by OJ Simpson.
In a Columbia press conference, Simpson accused Chellis of being the “real killer” who had been the focus of over a decade of what Simpson described an “intensive global search effort”. According to Simpson, this effort had taken him to “hundreds of golf courses, topless resorts, and upscale night-clubs around the world”.
Simpson appeared relieved at the press conference. “Now they can leave me alone,” he said. “But make no mistake about it, you b****es better shut up, because you know I’m not afraid to put a woman in the morg … uh, I meant her place … no, uh … dammit, forget I even said that. I’m just glad to find someone that some people love to pick on, so they might spend less time running my name into the dirt.”
Chellis’ response was brief: “Sorry I can’t talk right now, but I’m kind of busy doing my job.”
According to one legislator: “Gee, we’d like to say we’re real sorry about electing the guy, but you know, we were in a hurry to find some money for another green bean museum about that time. It’s hard to think about who you’re electing when you’re trying to buy your own re-election.”
“This is exciting news,” said one Chellis critic. “With Simpson getting into the game, it means I don’t have to spend so much time criticizing Chellis.”
Meanwhile, other unsubstantiated reports were being investigated into Chellis being the Antichrist.
In a Columbia press conference, Simpson accused Chellis of being the “real killer” who had been the focus of over a decade of what Simpson described an “intensive global search effort”. According to Simpson, this effort had taken him to “hundreds of golf courses, topless resorts, and upscale night-clubs around the world”.
Simpson appeared relieved at the press conference. “Now they can leave me alone,” he said. “But make no mistake about it, you b****es better shut up, because you know I’m not afraid to put a woman in the morg … uh, I meant her place … no, uh … dammit, forget I even said that. I’m just glad to find someone that some people love to pick on, so they might spend less time running my name into the dirt.”
Chellis’ response was brief: “Sorry I can’t talk right now, but I’m kind of busy doing my job.”
According to one legislator: “Gee, we’d like to say we’re real sorry about electing the guy, but you know, we were in a hurry to find some money for another green bean museum about that time. It’s hard to think about who you’re electing when you’re trying to buy your own re-election.”
“This is exciting news,” said one Chellis critic. “With Simpson getting into the game, it means I don’t have to spend so much time criticizing Chellis.”
Meanwhile, other unsubstantiated reports were being investigated into Chellis being the Antichrist.
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